You hate bikes?
i·ro·ny (ī’rə-nē)
definition:
- The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
- An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
Click here if you don’t get it yet. Or have Alanis explain it to you.
I understand we Americans don’t read so good, and because this is such a frequently asked question, we’ve decided it was time it merited its own page on the website. So here it is:
Why do you hate bikes?
We follow the lead of this man. Our inspiration.
- I hate my bike because it makes me feel bad about myself.
- See this scar right here? Not that one. Not that one either. Or that one. That one. That one right there.
- See. #1. My bike makes me look fat.
- I blame my bike for my major suck-fest at the slopestyle/ DH/ Super D/ jam/ whatever last night.
- Two words: flat tires.
- My bike makes me feel like a little bitch.
- If you love bikes, you’re helping the terrorists win.
- This bike is so last years model. I’m over it.
- See #1. My bike makes me feel slow.
- Because I can’t afford to replace my top of the line Saint derailleur on my DH bike this week.
- Because I hate freedom, puppies, and blow jobs.
- Because it keeps breaking on me. It let me down when I needed it the most. Why?!!! Why did you leave me!!!!?
- Fuck you. I love my bike.
We know you feel it. Leave some good reasons below; the best ones will be added to the list.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I hate my bike because my love for it makes me useless at anything else.
i hate my bike because she shows me what really matters
Mark, that is a WINNER!!
I hate bikes because that’s all Jason ever talks about ;p
I hate bikes because I have a nasty scare of my left elbow that won’t go away no matter how much scarring oil I use.
I hate bikes because I have ruined several pairs of jeans trying to look cool while riding them.
I hate my bike because it takes me away from spending time on the couch with my family and dogs!
I hate bikes ’cause they are such an addiction, that people’s eyes glaze over, and they start looking for the exit whenever I start talking about biking, or bicycles.
I hate bikes because once that shiny finish starts to dull, I lose love for the bike, and want a new one.
I hate bikes because sometimes, I think biking is better than sex. That’s pretty EFFED up.
i hate bikes because:
1) they cost too damn much – i’m actually thinking of spending $4k-6k on my next ride – that’s insane!
2) they demand regular maintainance and i’m a complete lazy-ass (and too cheap/stubborn to pay a mechanic)
3) they push me to ride beyond my abilities and endurance limits, and i hate personal growth
4) zipping down chunky rocky rooted flowing singletrack on a $6000 machine does feel is just as good as great sex, and so I’m a freakin freak now O.K., and I know it, and I ought to just get a divorce and marry my goddamn bike get it over with, because my wife already knows all about “it” and it’s too freakin’ hard not to think about tasty singletrack every single moment of my goddamned life
I hate bikes because they hurt me even when I give them all my love. WHY BICYCLE, WHY MUST YOU THRASH ME! CAN’T YOU SEE I LOVE YOU!
I hate my bike because it always breaks, causing a facial makeover, when hot chicks are watching me.
I hate my bike because it left me with a bone chip in my elbow that causes my arm to go numb when I lean on it just right, on a crazy ass downhill switchback, and left me with nothing but the need to do it all over and stick it.
I hate bikes because they make me act selfish and neglect people close to me. I am now single because of my bike, unless you count the bike that is.
I hate bikes because they cause you serious pain and all you can think about while in pain is how long it’ll be before you can ride again.
Demon Dirt is stoked to announce our newest project: The underground t-shirt project, we are dedicated to supporting underground, teams ,filmmakers and other companies like us. So from now on every two weeks demon will be releasing a new limited edition t-shirt collaborating with a different partner, We are splitting the proceeds with our friends to get riders bigger travel budgets , filmier new cameras and other underground brands more exsposer! Each t-shirt will be available for only two weeks, so get them before they are gone. Also if you buy any demon dirt pads during that week we give you a underground shirt for free, and we still hook up our collaborations of the week. Here at demon dirt we are stoked to be underground and even more stoked to support the underground. So Check ok our first edition THE TEAM OK, ( aka Casey Groves, Harrison Mendals Crew) if you love their pinkbike edits show them some love back the boys are trying to get money for a foam pit so lets all give a little to help these boys give it there all!
http://www.demondirt.com for more info!!
Keep shredding and keep it underground!
Demon Dirt spam! The best kind, if you are going to get it..
I hate my bike because every day I go to work & it sits in my garage, it taunts me.
I hate my bike, because it is now winter here in VT and it is residing in my shop. When I go out to get anything I hear it taunt me with a subtle twung of a spoke as a breeze gets caught in the rear wheel as it hangs on my stand… waiting for spring when we’ll be united again. God I hate myself right now!
I hate my bike because using it to deliver packages is the only work I can find as an expat in this otherwise wonderful spot.
See #1: Because it’s way tougher than I am.
I hate my bike because it looks better than me… every day. (…that sexy MF!) And it all seems so effortless…